I was listening to music the other day with my daughters and they introduced me to a new artist. This has been the way it has been since my kids have grown into teens and adults, I get to hear and experience new music through them which I love. On this particular day it was a hip hop artist who goes my the name NF. Now hip hop is not my first pick but I am not adverse to it if it strikes a cord. It has to be danceable or more importantly the lyrics hit home. Both were the case with NF, the music was good and the lyrics really hit home. He is honest and says what he is feeling. While listening in the car it is easy to pick up and enjoy what he is saying but as I listen around the house and can’t specifically hear the words a tone of anger can come across. This rubs me wrong as I try to go about my daily tasks and I don’t enjoy it as much.
My daughters have a big joke now about how I don’t like NF because I shy away from it in our day to day when I can’t really tune in with the lyrics as well. I keep telling them that is not the case at all I love NF and what he is saying. I also love his musical style. It was funny to me as I sat and talked to one of my daughters who is a big fan and it was somewhat surprising to hear her point of view, although not totally, as I had come to suspect what the Spirit showed me in part that day. You see this daughter is bright and shiny ,positive, fun loving , and for the most part peacemaking. She likes to have fun and put a smile on people’s faces. I couldn’t reconcile how she was connecting with NF. I on the other hand totally relate to what NF talks about in his songs. I should in my opinion love his music and want to listen to it all the time yet I struggled.
Then as always when the Spirit is at work a light went on and I began to understand things in a new way. One of my weaknesses that God has been working on is to look toward what He is doing for good. I tend to see the bad and the negative outcome in most situations. For me I am attracted to happy books and happy music, things that highlight the brighter side as I try to look to Him for my sustenance and view point. Whereas my happy daughter really enjoys the honesty and straightforward way that NF talks about things that are happening while still giving credit, adoration and service to God. She is not connecting with her own negative experiences and giving them voice and strength she is seeing another side.
I am struck by this as I have taken up blogging or as I have dealt with people throughout my life. I have so much on my mind I don’t want to drag people down. The Holy Spirit has been trying to get across to me that He created us each differently with a purpose and this was one of the confirmations He used. My daughter and people like her enjoy NF and his honesty as do I when I sit and just listen specifically to the lyrics. I can relate to what he is saying. I am reminded as I meander through these things the Holy Spirit is putting in front of me that He has specific people He wants to touch by the way I express myself. Yes He has been transforming me and showing the beauty and freedom of living in His will. He is showing me to move beyond the gray cloudy world that is my mind at times, but I will never be a sunshine and roses kind of girl and that is okay.
Here you will find me speaking to the freedom I have found in Jesus. Freedom from the gray clouds. I am not NF and it is not therapy to talk about the clouds and confusion (he is not confused btw). I am learning as I walk to rejoice in being freed from those thoughts. As I am writing this blog I am learning to live in love and rejoice in the freedoms each situation brings me, but as I learn that lesson I want to be free from the fear of being myself. I have tended to try to be too bright and shiny at times. As this blog has been from God it has not worked to well since that is what He has called me too but this lesson he gave me through NF and my daughter was such a good one to keep me on track with being who I am. Sharing my journey with parenthood, marriage and life won’t always be sunshine and roses but it will be full of freedom and praise to the one who turns the dark and cloudy to light.
Check him out below he will get you thinking: