Each day I am working through this illness. I am trying to be quiet and stay open to what God has for me. As I slowly get better I once again find myself chomping at the bit.Okay Lord I got it I am ready to be done thanks for the quiet time! I am ready to move on. I am determining how my life will go and putting it before God. The funny thing is this is what I was supposed to be learning about through this quiet time. I am supposed to be sitting quietly at His feet watching Him work instead of me. Yet here I am as I regain a tiny bit of strength ready to move on and get back to doing things myself.
One day last week I woke up and I felt strong, I felt like I had energy. It was the first time I had felt like that in weeks and despite the amazing time I had been having with Jesus I was ecstatic to finally be moving on, or so I thought. For all my talk of being open to what God had for me each day the moment I received a touch of my own strength back I was planning my recovery and everything I would now be doing. God had other plans. I am thankful for this now but the next morning when I woke up and the days that followed where I was struggling with strength and body breakdowns I started to shut down. I started once again to question everything. Why was I doing anything I had been striving for, what is the point? I couldn’t accomplish anything on a regular basis. The thoughts just kept coming, each day more questions and peace was quickly left behind me. I was in the Word less and I had been diving deeper than I had in awhile. I prayed for others less and that is what a lot of my time had been spent doing since I physically could do nothing else.
Finally one day, I was still reading and praying just not the way I had been. I was reading, I don’t know what at the time, but the Holy Spirit broke through and told me I was leaving Mary behind to be Martha again. Not only that, but a lot of my concern was what other people were thinking because it was taking me so long to get better. He has been working on me for a few years knowing my desire to get back to Him, to get to the intimacy I once had. For the first time when my body broke down I was at peace to take it day by day and spend time with Him. In this a whisper began to emerge and get louder. I was thinking of all the Martha’s out there saying Lord why isn’t she working, why don’t you make her serve. We are and we have physical issues. I started to question the quiet, and the battle was on.
That day Jesus turned the light on. He reminded me once again that He loved what Mary did sitting before Him listening and learning. He loved that I was doing this and He was not looking for me to assuage Martha and make her feel better, not the Martha’s in the church, nor the Martha I had cultivated in myself.
Now I write this as if this battle is over and since the light got turned on I can see, but let me be honest the battle is still going. I am trying once again to rest and sit before Him in peace. I am trying once again to take things one day at a time. Today I felt better and I tried not to jump up and spend time doing things but I tried to spend my time with Him. Was I successful? Not completely but when God put something before for me I have learned the path that He takes at times. Very rarely does He turn things around in an instant. Usually with me He points something out. Then I begin to notice I am doing it and I pay attention to what He has pointed out. Then I make a change, small at first and then little by little the transformation and renewing of my mind happens. It happens in such a way that I look back amazed that I once made other choices and I wouldn’t think of making those choices now. Not because I have to or was told to or I am conforming to some law or code somehow, but because I have been transformed by God. The old has become new. That part of me does not exist anymore and I am so thankful.
So as I begin this transformation, if you are reading this thanks for being a part of His process. I hope you look to Him and see the amazing ways He is transforming you. Below I have included a song of worship that speaks to His work of transformation in our lives. I hope you enjoy it!
Mercy Me ~Shake
Many things are happening as we start 2017 and you will find I have written a couple of posts at least about what God is doing in our lives right now. Today I would like to share the verse God gave me in all of this.
This whole passage was about the details of building the temple but this verse just jumped out at me. The Spirit just used it. I tried to move on because it wasn’t technically in context and I don’t want to be using scripture to make my own world seem right. But He would not let go till I recorded it in my journal; then moved me to make it a highlight in my bullet journal. He pushed His meaning deeper each time I wrote it till tonight I felt called to write about it even here.
David was this amazing guy with so many flaws, but with so much love for God and God was always at his side. He had put everything together for the temple and he had all the plans but he was not slated to build it. So I can only imagine what a huge job this seemed like to those coming behind him to take it up.
As we look at 2017 there are so many new things in front of us. Things that God has been setting in front of us but we did not know when and how we would proceed. Here we are ready to embark on a whole new world and He brought this verse to the forefront. So what are some of the things that stuck out.
- Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Even though these are good things that He is doing there will be work.
- Don’t be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task. These changes will affect so many aspects of our lives that we have taken for granted for years. So the size of the task completely hit home.
- He will not fail you or forsake you. I so often get going down a road and forget I am not doing this alone. He used this as a heads up to not forget we are not doing this alone.
- He will see that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord will be finished correctly. This is not our work but His, He will see it is finished correctly He is not depending on us to do it right. I always need a reminder of this.
It is times like this I am so thankful for Jesus, as the Spirit brings this passage to life and once again shows me God at work in my life. I love how the Spirit of God dwells in us and reveals to us how He will do these things in OUR life, they are not just some historical perspective for us to reflect on. This then brings to mind the Good News of Jesus and I want to do like they do in the Old Testament, stop and worship. I think this is what it is all about. Good News, Worship and Praise.
Thanks for listening to my little reflection point today.
Emotions are amazing! They add depth and breadth to life but if they are what are leading our dance of life we will miss the beauty and power of the dance. When we follow His lead the dance is powerful, and stunning, you don’t want to stop you are so enraptured by it! Emotions can add beauty, depth and connection to our lives but often they lead to conflict and chaos. One day God gave me this incredible picture when we let our emotions take the lead it ruins the beauty of the dance.
What the Holy Spirit brought one day as I sat before Jesus was a picture of the tango. This dance can be an incredible thing to watch when the participants know their roles and work within them. If both dancers are trying to lead it is not a pretty picture. In a dance there is one person who takes the lead and one person who trusts and follows. Our walk with our God is a bit like this. When we follow His lead the things in our life even the hard things can be beautiful and amazing. When we take the lead we make a messy stilted dance . We may still be dancing but no one is taking pleasure in it.
God gave us this wonderful spectrum of emotions that add so much color and personality to our lives. How we react to and interact with our circumstances and the people puts in our lives is the beautiful fabric that makes up our individual world. But we live in a fallen world and those emotions can ruin the dance when we let them take the lead.
As I look out over the panorama of my life I can see the times that love, hurt, anger or excitement were taking the lead. While these emotions can add so much,when we are following them they can lead us down wrong roads. God is right there with the perfect path and those emotions were designed to add to the gifts He has given us and the paths He leads us down. So with Valentine’s Day, a day full of emotion, just around the corner. Let’s ask ourselves who is leading our dance? Are we experiencing the beauty and power of following His lead or are we struggling through a stilted messy picture?