As I sit here at the end of the day a deep gratitude fills my heart for this time of quiet. As each day I accept God’s plan and work within it I am more deeply thankful for the path He has me on. As I sit in this quiet I am watching Him work in a way I have never seen before, not because He has not been at work but because I am now still and able to see. It feels like waking up in the morning and watching the sun slowly rise on a lake in the forest. The rays are pouring down from the sky slowly bringing light to all the dark shadowed areas and the beauty of creation is revealed. The deep greens and browns of trees. The rays of sushine reflecting of the deep blue gray lake as it laps on the shoreline. In the stillness you here the swaying branches, the singing birds and the animals as they scurry about. The quiet, it has such immeasurable beauty. This is what I feel as I sit here in the quiet He created for me.
This week I made my last visit to my conventional doctor where she told me all my numbers were good. This did not surprise me I was aware that this was going to happen. I was at peace, a new door had been opened and solutions were revealed immediately. As I struggled to digest food, sleep, function everything we often take for granted in life He was crafting a plan. As one ability after another left me I saw Him doing more. As I let go of the care I felt I should provide and what I thought was my job and my work His truth was revealed. The new doctor is not paid for by insurance He will take care of it. The peace that exuded from her was so comforting. The answers He revealed through her began working within days and as I left her office I saw evidence that she was a believer. I was stunned, stunned into silence. Yes, I see you Father. You have me, You are doing this.
A friend recently told me a verse she had picked out as her verse for the year and it was “Perfect love casts out fear”. That had been my verse for so long but He had healed much of what it applied to in my life. It had surfaced again for a reason. Health issues I could not control, a new doctor not paid for by the system I had come to rely on. Even typing that makes me sad. Relying on a system? Oh Father I am sorry and oh so thankful for your mercy and grace. I am so thankful for the way you are teaching me.
So here I sit once again in the quiet not wondering when it will end and when I will get back to who I was and what I was once able to do. Now I sit waiting for what He places in front of me everyday. Waiting to see what He is going to do today. Waiting to worship. I pray that you too will find this time in whatever He has called you to.